Guess what Mama Snee is doing today? Trying desperately to print multiple envelopes with the same address. That is impossible. And, as a solution, I’m trying to print address labels to stick on the envelopes, which has left me not knowing whether to vomit or cry, resting my forehead on the mammoth print/ fax/ copy machine as it makes wheezing starting-up/ cooling-down noises over and over. I have opened doors, cut power and restored it, tried every combination of everything I know. And nothing. So I sit here, with my face resting on the top of the Canon 2230 as if I’ve been shot and my limp body happened to land on the printer/ copier/ fax station, whispering “motherfucker” over and over. It is a sad sight, gentle readers.
And hey, while we’re talking about it, guess what is so awesome at my new office? The bathroom! You are already so tired of hearing about poop, I know, and it’s not going to get any better: The bathroom has no exhaust fan, is a one-seater, tile floor and walls for excellent acoustics, and shares a wall with Coworker 1, who is directly across from Boss in this little old house. So everything is audible. And when I think, “maybe it’s not so loud,” I hear the person in the office next door dialing her cell phone. Let me point out that if I can hear cell phone dialing (not ringing, dialing) from where I sit, I’m certain that nothing happening in my little area is a secret.
This is an awesome setup for, let’s say, right after you have a black bean salad (somebody stage an intervention, please) for your lunch and you are totally ripping ass a mere 2 feet from your coworkers.
How could that get even awesomer? I’ll tell you. Coworker 2 comes over and stands between the open doors of Coworker 1 (next door) and Boss (directly across). Essentially stands right outside the door of the bathroom, about 3 feet away from me, talking about a database problem for which I am the only one with an answer. Nothing like hearing yourself discussed in third person when you know full well that everyone knows where you are and can hear—well, everything.
Coworker 2: Do you know how to blah blah blah?
Boss: No, but Mama Snee does, she can show you blah blah blah.
Coworker 2: Oh, so I can do blah blah blah?
Boss: Um, wait for Mama Snee to show you. You should probably set up a meeting with her to blah blah blah.
Coworker 2: Okay, that would be really helpful.
Mama Snee: Frraaaaaaaaaaaarrrrppppppppp.
Coworker 2: I’ll just send her an email.