I’ve been getting all excited about the way massage school is changing the way I look at and treat my own body—with more care, less desire to smoke, more desire to yoga in the mornings, etc. And then it’s time for dinner tonight and A. is passed out cold on the couch (more on this later), and while my house is actually full of pretty healthy food, I opt for the rest of a cheesecake (settle down, it was like one piece) some stale “natural” Cheetos, left here by my in-laws, because they will totally buy that shit (Natural Cheetos are hilarious, by the way, and I will be laughing all the way to the bathroom*) , and my favorite stand-by, egg noodles with butter, salt and parmesan. There are other variations on this gourmet dish, including shredded cheese and steamed vegetables, or breadcrumbs and garlic. But I’m having the basic version. I wandered around my kitchen, peered into spaces, saw all of the delicious and fresh things, and came up with this.
Which brings me to a behavior I could really stand to change: Aimlessness.
Today, for example, my class was finished 90 minutes early, and I had about 2 hours to kill before picking A. up for his appointment. I got in the car, all excited. Excited and hungry.
Where should I go? I started off driving with no plan. I drove to the Caribbean place. Too crowded. I took off to drive to the other Caribbean place south of downtown, and turned around halfway there because what if I don’t have enough time? But I was driving, so I just kept driving… this way! And toward this way! And I missed the turn for this place, so I guess I will continue on this way! And I want to get something to read while I sit in the waiting room with A! So I will go to Borders! And then I stand at Borders and stare at the books and have this idiot freak-out where I am reading titles but the rest of my brain is occupied with thoughts like “hurry up with this section because there’s this other book you need to look for” and “how much money can I spend and not feel like an ass?” and “how can I maximize my time here, should I get a magazine and just eat here or should I get a magazine and try to go somewhere else to eat?” Checking my watch. Adding up and estimating the time away until it’s gone. And by the time I dialed it back and decided to just calm the hell down and take it moment-by-moment and enjoy my free time at Borders, I had about ten minutes before I had to be somewhere else, so I made a hurried purchase and sucked down a sandwich and a most delicious Diet Coke.
If I had a laptop, I would have just parked it somewhere that has food and wifi, and cruised around Amazon for the book I wanted and maybe read/ written some blogs. If I had a laptop, you would see a lot more blogs from me, due to my need to constantly self-narrate. Even as a child, I remember my running inner dialogue, narrating everything I did and saw, likeI was in a documentary. “This is my room, and, uh, I bought this microscope with thirty dollars, some of it was from my Grandmother and the rest I saved.” (yes. I saved up for a microscope.) More often than not, I was sitting down narrating some imaginary situation in my head than acting it out with toys. This is why I don’t meditate well. I close my eyes and think “So as I was meditating…”
I triple-dog dare you to drive a Ford Explorer through downtown-ish lunch traffic and not say “motherfucker” at least ten times. Same dare goes for having a non-affectionate cat and the word “asshole.”
It will not be long before Mama Snee has to undergo a dramatic language makeover. Soon it will be time to say goodbye to my favorite cheap and socially crude adjectives and nouns around the little ears. A sad day is ahead. A sad fucking day.
It starts with a “C” and ends with an -“olonoscopy”
A.had a procedure today that was non-emergency but still invasive, which required me to not go to work and stay in the waiting room until I could take him home, something Katie Couric knows all about (no more clues, but I have his permission to tell you). And coming out of the anesthetic, he looked at me all dopey and lovingly and said, “Did you say they were building another tower in Minnesota? Because the only tower I know of is the Leaning Tower, and that’s in London.” And then he said “Asparagus. Cheese.”
So, tonight I have been caring for the little baby and the husbaby, as he comes out of his haze. All good news from the docs, by the way.
Wanna see Bird?
*I know. I said no more bathroom stuff, but I am a liar.