Your Cheese, Madam.

I am really regretting taking on a big, stupid freelance job that I accepted to make a little money. I call it The Big Stupid Freelance Job. And it is now taking more time than will translate into dollahs (I did mean dollahs, as in dollah dollah bill, y’all) and giving me ugly headaches that are triggered by the squirrel-eating accent. In a word: sucks.

And more bitching: the class I finished today was a complete bullshit waste of my time. Wait, let me rephrase that: I felt it was a complete bullshit waste of my time. Because it was. Today was a big snoozer repeat of the last several classes, which included some taking turns reading outloud from the book. And, um, fuck that. So I spent my last hours of that dreadful class fuming about how I could have been doing all of this other work on the Big Stupid Freelance Job instead of sitting in my chair watching the clock and itching and gnashing my teeth.

And the truth is, if I’d had the time today, I probably wouldn’t have worked on the BSFJ, just as I am not working on it right now. Just as I didn’t work on it today, when I arrived in a small town for a home visit about 30 minutes early, and decided I should definitely go through the drivethru at Wendy’s (never a good decision) before I could sit in my car in the parking lot and sip the Diet Coke I so deserved while I made phone calls for the BSFJ. Despite the ample free time, no progress was made on the BSFJ. Because my sandwich was effed up. And for the second time in four days, I was handed a piece of cheese on a latex glove. This means that statistically, I am handed a piece of cheese on a latex glove every other day.

The first time it happened, I was at the Atlanta Bread Company of Assholes, and in a dramatic situation that involved me getting a cash refund for my shitty lunch, I was handed a piece of provalone on a latex glove. And then today, during my efforts to do anything– anything– besides interviewing clients for the BSFJ, I marched into the Wendy’s, opened my veggie sandwich, and drew attention to the conspicuous lack of cheese. And I think you know the rest.

BSFJ. Gah.

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